The Beauty of Weakness

The acceptance of weakness is the prerequisite to fulfillment. This clashes with and confronts the objective that we have to be "strong" or "successful," but such objectives are futile. Within such a drive is the deep desire for meaning and fullness, but to sustain such personal advancements in life requires a constant dependence on our own self, continuously pumping fuel into our own tanks, living in terror of uncertainty and overworked to exhaustion and sickness. In fact, this lifestyle inevitably drives one to a state of helplessness and weakness that they are actively avoiding.

Taking it to a personal note, as I entered into the field of therapy, I encountered my own restless desire to be known and to be great...if not the greatest. Almost constantly, I was tormented with this insatiable need to get it right, even before I entered into sessions with clients, having to be flawlessly competent, possibly omniscient, leaving no mystery or uncertainty to face. But this interfered with my humanness, my vulnerabilities, the beauty of mistakes, the gift of learning and being taught.

I wanted to annihilate any opportunity to screw up, protecting myself from shame and its destructiveness. Yet I have learned that my messiness is a bridge for connection and healing. I have learned that there is beautiful healing and closeness in relationship when we own and share the areas of our hearts that we judge as shameful and grotesque. Jesus said that he came to heal the sick, but it is beyond the physical; it is the ownership and recognition that I am weak, that I have no control and am powerless. It requires acknowledgement that I have deep needs to be known, seen, cared for and loved and all my striving to gain this is to deny that I am helpless and powerless to meet such needs through my own efforts.

Those that own and enter into a state of weakness, which I believe is the state of being, experience intimacy and closeness and life versus the heart that attempts to manufacture living through a vehicle of unending consumption that unavoidably leads to a state of helplessness. I am not yet at a place where I have completely accepted my powerlessness. Striving and a drive to consume still surface, but more and more I am led into this place of weakness, where life not only begins, but is encountered and experienced richly.